Disclaimer: This blog post is not for the faint hearted. It contain gore and gruesome details that might not be suitable for minors, pregnant ladies or anyone suffering from any physical sickness. I shall not be held responsible for any lifetime trauma or permanent loss of appetite. If you, the reader, agrees to the above, feel free to share the traumatizing experience that I had.
And so I woke up this morning, doing nothing but the usual. Turning on the computer, signing on to MSN, and then taking a bathe or maybe a dump. And I decided to do both today. So after going about my business, I did a clean wipe and made sure my ass was spanking clean. Then I laid down the lid of Sir flush-a-lot and flushed. Then I turned on the shower tap and started bathing. Then I noticed something strange. Something that had happened before. Horror struck me as I slowly pryed open the lid of Sir flush-a-lot to find it filled to rim's edge of dark-brown murky sewage, garnished with bits and pieces of toilet paper. Just like parsley bits in ramen soup. Only this ISN'T ramen soup. This reminded me of the scene in Dogma, where a demon forms from excrement spilling from a never-ending overflowing toilet bowl.
Desperate, I waited for the tide to subside in it before flushing again. Yet again the satisfactory burp of Sir flush-a-lot after consuming its contents was not heard. I immediately went to Google for help. Looking those the "Art of Manliness", I saw the first solution was to use a plunger. Sounds fair enough. Braving harmful microbes and the foul stench, I took up my weapon of choice and headed to the battlefield.
With my fingers grasp tightly around the pole of my weapon, I began pumping and plunging with motion that I'm all so familiar with. WRONG MOVE. Apparently the harder I plunged, the higher the "water" level rose. Well, you can't really call it "water" now... it was more of "Toxic concoction". A sound emanated from the Sir flush-a-lot that could strike fear, deep into the hearts of mortal men.
BLORP SQUAHS BLUURRPPs
GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!
So it was back to the drawing board. Second step in the "Art of Manliness" was to use a wired coat hanger. "Damn", I thought to myself. "If this doesn't do the trick, I don't know what does." So I went to my clothes closet and took out a wired coat hanger. "Sorry." I muttered, for I knew what horrible future awaits this poor coat hanger. I proceeded to unwind the coat hanger and straightened it out with a little curve at the end. I took a second to have a good look at the weapon in my hand and said a silent prayer. Brandishing a new weapon, I stormed into the battlefield once more. I took a deep breath (Of harmful microbes and stinky air) and plunged my weapon deep within the belly of the beast. I swirled my weapon around and made a few powerful jabs and thrusts, but that did nothing much other than stir up a cloud of "ramen ingredients".
Utterly discouraged, I discarded the weapon in my hand and referred back to the "Art of Manliness". Apparently there were 2 other methods. The chemical route, which involved acid and plumber.
Well, as I'm deciding on how to go about slaying the beast that lay dormant deep within the abyss, I've officially quarantined the toilet indefinitely. Tired, weary and hungry as I was, I just couldn't find my appetite. I wonder why. I would have attached a few pictures into the blog post too, but I've decided that it would be far too graphic for this family-oriented blog. Stay tuned for more updates!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Happy Birthday to me.
I share the same birthday with 2 other friends of mine, Cheryl Loh and Elaine Lim. Coincidentally Elaine Lim was born in 1992, I was born in 1991 and Cheryl was born in 1990. Cool eh?
Anyway, on the stroke of midnight on 6 September 2009, my sister came in with a 2 dollar vanilla cake from NTUC, covered in some chocolatey fudge which she claims she made (I highly doubt so). Since we didn't have candles, she took wooden chopsticks broke it into a 5 cm stick and then super heated it till it was glowing with red ambers. Then she brought it in while I was in the midst of my gaming escapade, and place it on my mouspad. I was like "SCREW YOU! I CAN'T MOVE MY MOUSE!" Then I said "ok ok, thank you thank you, you put down first later I eat. And wtf is that chopstick doing on the cake?" After a few bites of the cake, it went back to the deep cold abyss of the fridge and I slept.
okay so I slept till around 11am. Then I woke up and went to toilet to pee. Pee and pee and pee and pee and pee. After that I went groggily to my computer and pressed the on button and was greeted by the montonous, mundane voice of Microsoft Sam singing happy birthday to me. So as usual, I scanned my face into the computer and logged on. Checked my email and was pleasantly greeted with Happy birthdays by my facebook friends and an automated computer generated happy birthday from a forum I visited. To tell you the truth, I was happy that even one person remembered my birthday. Ya, that's how pathetic my life is. FML. I didn't really have any plans for my birthday. It's really hard to ask friends out when the JC2 are having their prelims and JC1 are mugging as if studying about the law of diminishing returns was only thing exciting about their lives.
So as usual, I began the day browsing SgClub, and logging on to Garena to play Blackshot (I'm seriously getting better at sniping) and DotA. Oh well, at least Vanessa (The character I play in Blackshot), is actually quite cute and they made her character model quite hot. And there's always the busty and lusty Lina Inverse in DotA trying to seduce me to "Oh behave~!" Seriously though, no that much of my friends in my social circle are that on. Either that or they are seriously too 'guai'. Not the kind you can call up to ask to meet and they'll be there in 1 hour. But that's okay with me, I have my computer to see me through. I could have sex with my computer through the USB ports for all I care. Though PS/2 ports would be better since they are circular in shape while USB are squares.
So the time now is 4pm and I'm staring at the dangerous curves of my Razer Copperhead mouse, fantasizing about Megan Fox. My phone vibrates, I'm thinking it is some stupid SMS from Singtel reminding me of some kickass promotion or something. But it isn't. It is a call. My friend See Ler, probably the horniest guy in CJC, calls me up to drink at some pub at Somerset. My grip tightened around my handphone. Still tainted with the memory traces of our last pub trip, I said "Are you sure it won't end up like last time?" After much assurance, I decided to go. So with godlike speed, punctuality and exactness, I bathe, changed and reached Somerset by 5pm. We went into some pub called "Acid Bar". Where there were 3 girls sitting on the sofa. I was reminded of Charlie Angels immediately. Imagine how nice if they were to greet me with "Hi Charlie~" or maybe "Hi Shawniee~" for a personal touch. Oh well, fantasies aside, there were also on guy. So there were 5 CJC peeps and one NP peep. Sitting in the bar, drinking alcohol.
So we played truth or dare and I bloody tio 3 times. I think 2 truths and one dare. I remember one truth was to say that this girl "Claudia" had really bad teeth and like the teeth were razor-sharp and would slice your d**k off if she gave anyone a bj. LOL! I can't believe I said that to a girl, that I've barely spoke 10 sentences with. But it was all in jest and probably in drunken stupor. So no hard feelings!! Just for laughs!. The bar manager apparently was extrememly short. He was probably midget sized, lingering near the edge of becoming an oompa loompa (The beings that work for willy wonka.) So See Ler was massively spamming and shouting, "Wah lau eh that midget manager" and stuff like that. I probably said "midget!" louder than I should a few times too but I think I toned down abit later. But See Ler, that alcoholic kept spouting "MIDGET! MIDGET!" So when it came to a my dare, I was supposed to do some bartop dancing or something to seduce the midget manager. So I was all touching myself and doing seductive moves. Apparently there is a video of me dancing floating around the net, but I shan't show you all. I already have a immensely large collection dance videos of me and I'm not exactly proud of it. But neither am I ashamed hahaha! Oh yeah I ordered a Lime Magarita which costed me 15 bucks. WTF! 15 BUCKS! Hey but it was not bad...
So after that the CJC gang left, leaving me with See Ler. I feared the worst with See Ler, especially when he gets drunk like really easily. (I was told that once, he was so drunk, he laid on the grass asleep, and could not be awaken.) Thereafter, it was the CHS old boys party time. Humping and Melvin came. It was almost like some gay party. 4 guys at the pub drinking. I order 2 more bottles of Premium Lager A.K.A beer. After slacking and chilling for awhile more, we decided to go to Ion Orchard's Swensens to celebrate my birthday. As you know, alcohol has diuretic properties which causes you to really want to pee. Somerset was like around 400m to 500m from Ion Orchard, so I suggested that I go to Cineleisure to answer my call of nature, but I was met with active resistance of 3 men. They threatened to perform the Japanese water torture on me if I failed to comply. As you know, majority is always right so try as I might, Ion Orchard was the destination to be. So as we were walking by Takashimaya, there was some Lion Dance competition or some sort (?? It's not even chinese new year yet doh) and the 3 bastards, in evil unison, agreed that the Lion Dance competition was "extremely exciting, exhilarating, a must-see and eye candy that must not be missed. But after promising them that I won't marry Megan Fox (I still will! *evil grin*), they relented to my pitiful pleas to rush to Ion Orchard. Finally we went to Ion Orchard. I relieved myself and gave a HUGE sigh of relief.
The Swensens at Ion Orchard are seriously CMI. What the hell, its almost inaccessible from 90% of the places in Ion Orchard. It is closed off from the public. It's as if they are saying "Hey! Our venue is located at some dilapidated place which you stupid people out there will never find! Because you can't read directions!" Talk about discrimination. I wonder if some dumb oompa loompa was in charge of allocating the location of Swensens. It's like denying stupid people of being your customers. Imagine how much business you would lose!! I in Swensens I went, I ordered, some beef lasagne and shared Rodeo wings with humping. See Ler ordered fish&chips and kept complaining of getting a hangover. That stupid noob. Melvin ordered some Meatballs spaghetti thingy and humping ordered the megaburger. The megaburger actually looks quite cool. Might try it next time I go there. Finally it came to the dessert. I got some flaming birthday ice cream thingy on the house. There was supposed to be a candle in the middle but when the waiter came, the candle dropped into the ice cream and he bloody used his fingers to dig it out. EPIC FAIL. So he faster rush off and I just ate the ice cream anyway. The 3 bastards never order any desserts so they kept taking mine. And that bloody waiter no decency to say sorry or replace the candle or even say happy birthday. WAITER FAIL. After that we headed home. END OF BIRTHDAY ADVENTURE! =D
I'd love to talk about the time I went to Baybeats but I think this blogpost is getting a little too long, so I'll leave it for another time heh.
Anyway, on the stroke of midnight on 6 September 2009, my sister came in with a 2 dollar vanilla cake from NTUC, covered in some chocolatey fudge which she claims she made (I highly doubt so). Since we didn't have candles, she took wooden chopsticks broke it into a 5 cm stick and then super heated it till it was glowing with red ambers. Then she brought it in while I was in the midst of my gaming escapade, and place it on my mouspad. I was like "SCREW YOU! I CAN'T MOVE MY MOUSE!" Then I said "ok ok, thank you thank you, you put down first later I eat. And wtf is that chopstick doing on the cake?" After a few bites of the cake, it went back to the deep cold abyss of the fridge and I slept.
okay so I slept till around 11am. Then I woke up and went to toilet to pee. Pee and pee and pee and pee and pee. After that I went groggily to my computer and pressed the on button and was greeted by the montonous, mundane voice of Microsoft Sam singing happy birthday to me. So as usual, I scanned my face into the computer and logged on. Checked my email and was pleasantly greeted with Happy birthdays by my facebook friends and an automated computer generated happy birthday from a forum I visited. To tell you the truth, I was happy that even one person remembered my birthday. Ya, that's how pathetic my life is. FML. I didn't really have any plans for my birthday. It's really hard to ask friends out when the JC2 are having their prelims and JC1 are mugging as if studying about the law of diminishing returns was only thing exciting about their lives.
So as usual, I began the day browsing SgClub, and logging on to Garena to play Blackshot (I'm seriously getting better at sniping) and DotA. Oh well, at least Vanessa (The character I play in Blackshot), is actually quite cute and they made her character model quite hot. And there's always the busty and lusty Lina Inverse in DotA trying to seduce me to "Oh behave~!" Seriously though, no that much of my friends in my social circle are that on. Either that or they are seriously too 'guai'. Not the kind you can call up to ask to meet and they'll be there in 1 hour. But that's okay with me, I have my computer to see me through. I could have sex with my computer through the USB ports for all I care. Though PS/2 ports would be better since they are circular in shape while USB are squares.
So the time now is 4pm and I'm staring at the dangerous curves of my Razer Copperhead mouse, fantasizing about Megan Fox. My phone vibrates, I'm thinking it is some stupid SMS from Singtel reminding me of some kickass promotion or something. But it isn't. It is a call. My friend See Ler, probably the horniest guy in CJC, calls me up to drink at some pub at Somerset. My grip tightened around my handphone. Still tainted with the memory traces of our last pub trip, I said "Are you sure it won't end up like last time?" After much assurance, I decided to go. So with godlike speed, punctuality and exactness, I bathe, changed and reached Somerset by 5pm. We went into some pub called "Acid Bar". Where there were 3 girls sitting on the sofa. I was reminded of Charlie Angels immediately. Imagine how nice if they were to greet me with "Hi Charlie~" or maybe "Hi Shawniee~" for a personal touch. Oh well, fantasies aside, there were also on guy. So there were 5 CJC peeps and one NP peep. Sitting in the bar, drinking alcohol.
So we played truth or dare and I bloody tio 3 times. I think 2 truths and one dare. I remember one truth was to say that this girl "Claudia" had really bad teeth and like the teeth were razor-sharp and would slice your d**k off if she gave anyone a bj. LOL! I can't believe I said that to a girl, that I've barely spoke 10 sentences with. But it was all in jest and probably in drunken stupor. So no hard feelings!! Just for laughs!. The bar manager apparently was extrememly short. He was probably midget sized, lingering near the edge of becoming an oompa loompa (The beings that work for willy wonka.) So See Ler was massively spamming and shouting, "Wah lau eh that midget manager" and stuff like that. I probably said "midget!" louder than I should a few times too but I think I toned down abit later. But See Ler, that alcoholic kept spouting "MIDGET! MIDGET!" So when it came to a my dare, I was supposed to do some bartop dancing or something to seduce the midget manager. So I was all touching myself and doing seductive moves. Apparently there is a video of me dancing floating around the net, but I shan't show you all. I already have a immensely large collection dance videos of me and I'm not exactly proud of it. But neither am I ashamed hahaha! Oh yeah I ordered a Lime Magarita which costed me 15 bucks. WTF! 15 BUCKS! Hey but it was not bad...
So after that the CJC gang left, leaving me with See Ler. I feared the worst with See Ler, especially when he gets drunk like really easily. (I was told that once, he was so drunk, he laid on the grass asleep, and could not be awaken.) Thereafter, it was the CHS old boys party time. Humping and Melvin came. It was almost like some gay party. 4 guys at the pub drinking. I order 2 more bottles of Premium Lager A.K.A beer. After slacking and chilling for awhile more, we decided to go to Ion Orchard's Swensens to celebrate my birthday. As you know, alcohol has diuretic properties which causes you to really want to pee. Somerset was like around 400m to 500m from Ion Orchard, so I suggested that I go to Cineleisure to answer my call of nature, but I was met with active resistance of 3 men. They threatened to perform the Japanese water torture on me if I failed to comply. As you know, majority is always right so try as I might, Ion Orchard was the destination to be. So as we were walking by Takashimaya, there was some Lion Dance competition or some sort (?? It's not even chinese new year yet doh) and the 3 bastards, in evil unison, agreed that the Lion Dance competition was "extremely exciting, exhilarating, a must-see and eye candy that must not be missed. But after promising them that I won't marry Megan Fox (I still will! *evil grin*), they relented to my pitiful pleas to rush to Ion Orchard. Finally we went to Ion Orchard. I relieved myself and gave a HUGE sigh of relief.
The Swensens at Ion Orchard are seriously CMI. What the hell, its almost inaccessible from 90% of the places in Ion Orchard. It is closed off from the public. It's as if they are saying "Hey! Our venue is located at some dilapidated place which you stupid people out there will never find! Because you can't read directions!" Talk about discrimination. I wonder if some dumb oompa loompa was in charge of allocating the location of Swensens. It's like denying stupid people of being your customers. Imagine how much business you would lose!! I in Swensens I went, I ordered, some beef lasagne and shared Rodeo wings with humping. See Ler ordered fish&chips and kept complaining of getting a hangover. That stupid noob. Melvin ordered some Meatballs spaghetti thingy and humping ordered the megaburger. The megaburger actually looks quite cool. Might try it next time I go there. Finally it came to the dessert. I got some flaming birthday ice cream thingy on the house. There was supposed to be a candle in the middle but when the waiter came, the candle dropped into the ice cream and he bloody used his fingers to dig it out. EPIC FAIL. So he faster rush off and I just ate the ice cream anyway. The 3 bastards never order any desserts so they kept taking mine. And that bloody waiter no decency to say sorry or replace the candle or even say happy birthday. WAITER FAIL. After that we headed home. END OF BIRTHDAY ADVENTURE! =D
I'd love to talk about the time I went to Baybeats but I think this blogpost is getting a little too long, so I'll leave it for another time heh.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Booze teh night away.
Today was Red Camp SL interview day!! Well I guess it went ok... But there were really really alot of people that came to apply. Plus NP Ambassadors already took up many of the SL slots, so there is already very little slots to fight over with. Results will be out on Sep 11, on ambassadors.np.edu.sg Hopefully I did well enough to get into the Red Camp SL. Cause I know it'll be so damn fun and I'll get to meet alot of new friends :D
After that I went to library and looked at many of the failblog videos out there. Well it consoles me that there are plenty of failures out there in life other than me :)
Then I went to CJC. CJC not bad la, got a bit of chio girls here and there highly recommended by my dear friend See Ler who is probably the horniest guy in CJC. But whatever. Then we were supposed to go pubbing and drink the night away. Happy hour was from 5pm to 9pm and we were supposed to meet at 6pm. But NJC nerds had to take exams until 6:30pm? WTF. So in the end when the NJC nerd, Melvin, finally came to meet us at Orchard it was already 8:30pm. Left half an hour to closing time of happy hour. So we planned to chiong there fast and order like as many pints of beer as possible before happy hour over. But See Ler dressed like some kopi boy at kopitiam. Complete with shirt and CJC pe shorts. Then everyone at the pub was like so "cool". Long story short, we never got into the pub. In the end, we went to New York New york to order some exquisite new york cuisine.
See Ler, like a noob trying to act pro. Want to drink in the end have to go Cold Storage and buy beer. F**king noobshit. So in the end I got a bottle of Corona and See Ler got 2 cans of sapporo, one can of some weird brand and Carlsberg. I ordered Black pepper chicken chop spaghetti. I swear the bloody spaghetti sucks to the core and the chicken chop like those deep fried tempura cardboard you can find at KFC. The spaghetti like those rafia strings that scouts use to tie their rape victims to pole. After that chill at New York New York until closing time. Yuantat that noob shit. His hair long like thai transvestite pubic hair. Act japanese only. Like those noob otaku whole day stay at home watching anime, read manga and wank to those low quality hentai. He keep saying tired tired want to go home, then fell asleep in NYNY. Damn stupid thing to do can. So I bloody cannot take it. I take the condiments (e.g. Pepper, cheese powder, chilli flakes) and spam on his act japanese long pubic hair. There is a video but have to wait for see ler to upload.
After that we were walking in the shopping centre and Hang Ping that noob whose name sounds like humping, don't know drunk or what, tried to spear the act japanese yuantat. He f**king jumped in the air and launched himself at yuantat's ass. WTF. Worse of all he missed and ~!@#$%^ speared into a random passerby. Damn funny can. So in the end go home.
Then at the MRT, I decided that I must go toilet. So I went to the MRT toilet and the MRT toilet outside put a sign. "Toilet closes at 10:30pm, if you have an urgent matter, please contact the MRT staff." WHAT THE F**K! I have an urgent matter and why the hell need to lock toilet!!!! Got people steal the toilet bowl meh!! Wah piang, in the end no mood to pee liao. So go home lor. END OF STORY =D
Oh first time I went to Ion Orchard. Wah damn alot of stalls siah at the B4. The Food Street like heaven like that. Next time I must bring alot of moolah and waste it on the food and grow fat like shit.
Oh ya my birthday 2 more days only. 2 more days to being LEGAL. HELL YES.
After that I went to library and looked at many of the failblog videos out there. Well it consoles me that there are plenty of failures out there in life other than me :)
Then I went to CJC. CJC not bad la, got a bit of chio girls here and there highly recommended by my dear friend See Ler who is probably the horniest guy in CJC. But whatever. Then we were supposed to go pubbing and drink the night away. Happy hour was from 5pm to 9pm and we were supposed to meet at 6pm. But NJC nerds had to take exams until 6:30pm? WTF. So in the end when the NJC nerd, Melvin, finally came to meet us at Orchard it was already 8:30pm. Left half an hour to closing time of happy hour. So we planned to chiong there fast and order like as many pints of beer as possible before happy hour over. But See Ler dressed like some kopi boy at kopitiam. Complete with shirt and CJC pe shorts. Then everyone at the pub was like so "cool". Long story short, we never got into the pub. In the end, we went to New York New york to order some exquisite new york cuisine.
See Ler, like a noob trying to act pro. Want to drink in the end have to go Cold Storage and buy beer. F**king noobshit. So in the end I got a bottle of Corona and See Ler got 2 cans of sapporo, one can of some weird brand and Carlsberg. I ordered Black pepper chicken chop spaghetti. I swear the bloody spaghetti sucks to the core and the chicken chop like those deep fried tempura cardboard you can find at KFC. The spaghetti like those rafia strings that scouts use to tie their rape victims to pole. After that chill at New York New York until closing time. Yuantat that noob shit. His hair long like thai transvestite pubic hair. Act japanese only. Like those noob otaku whole day stay at home watching anime, read manga and wank to those low quality hentai. He keep saying tired tired want to go home, then fell asleep in NYNY. Damn stupid thing to do can. So I bloody cannot take it. I take the condiments (e.g. Pepper, cheese powder, chilli flakes) and spam on his act japanese long pubic hair. There is a video but have to wait for see ler to upload.
After that we were walking in the shopping centre and Hang Ping that noob whose name sounds like humping, don't know drunk or what, tried to spear the act japanese yuantat. He f**king jumped in the air and launched himself at yuantat's ass. WTF. Worse of all he missed and ~!@#$%^ speared into a random passerby. Damn funny can. So in the end go home.
Then at the MRT, I decided that I must go toilet. So I went to the MRT toilet and the MRT toilet outside put a sign. "Toilet closes at 10:30pm, if you have an urgent matter, please contact the MRT staff." WHAT THE F**K! I have an urgent matter and why the hell need to lock toilet!!!! Got people steal the toilet bowl meh!! Wah piang, in the end no mood to pee liao. So go home lor. END OF STORY =D
Oh first time I went to Ion Orchard. Wah damn alot of stalls siah at the B4. The Food Street like heaven like that. Next time I must bring alot of moolah and waste it on the food and grow fat like shit.
Oh ya my birthday 2 more days only. 2 more days to being LEGAL. HELL YES.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
2 weeks after first infection.
Bleargh, I woke up today finding that I've turned into boomer. I totally feel like vomitting and have no appetite. My stomach also very round IDK why. So I decided that it would have easily cured by play CS, then just nice CS only got one server running "Zombie Madness", so I just spent like 2 hours shooting zombies/ killing people. Then I think my photosensitive motion sickness kick in again, I though I had already previously classically conditioned myself liao. But I think is because I undergo extinction. So I got even worst. So I'm like a drunkard walking around the house, vomitting over everything, and banging into everything.
It's almost 1pm now and I still have no appetite for breakfast, brunch, lunch. Die liao, I think I become zombie.
Anyway, I also bought my Razer Sphex!! It's f**king chic and sexy on my laptop table. My Razer Copperhead now no longer single already, now got girlfriend. Soon there will be Razer babies. :D For all those that don't know, Razer Sphex is a high tech, sophisticated gaming grade desktop skin A.K.A mousepad. And the Razer CopperHead is a genre-defining weapon for professional gamers that makes for penetrating, explosive gameplay A.K.A computer mouse. :D
And if you think you've seen the last of Sokchelle... No you haven't! Heh! :D
I'm thinking of having a youtue channel for all our guysFTW production videos. ;) Alright back to vomitting!! :D
Click the link to see sexy photo! :D (Sorry I can't upload pics, blogger is being such a nasty bitch)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
It lives!
Alright I shall revive this dead blog once again. So here goes.
Then it was the chinese teacher Huang Mei Lian. I was probably her number one most hated student ever. LOL. The expression on her face was like a pig eating hardened shit while having a bad constipation. I ask her to give me chocolates and hongbao + the cute doraemon on her desk, but then she dowan. Then in the far end of staff room, I spotted the teacher that caused my A-maths to fail with flying colours, Mr Paul Lee So I was like from one end of the staff room to the other end shouting "EH LEE! Long time no see siah! I can see the horizon on your receding hairline liao siah!" So he was like all whatevaa. And stuff like that.
Today was teachers day! Freaking awesome. Well I got to meet up with many of my old classmates. As usual, I was still the most handsome of them all. The performance was alright I guess. There was this singer who was singing until very ji dong, then he zao xia. WTF. LOL. Pawned himself right in the face can. Then the next event was Alana koo walking past. Wa lau eh, she's damn hot, especially her two mountains. Cannot tahan la. She is a discipline teacher, so she was scolding this guy. But I bet the guy who was getting scolded was damn shuang la, you can see the blissful pleasure oozing from his face. So after the staring was done, we went to play basketball. Then Hailiang said "WTF LA! You jump like dinosaur liddat!" I mean how the f**k does a dinosaur jump dude. LOL
Then we go see our teachers. So the first teacher I saw was the black teacher from our school, Mr Fernandez. So I was like all "Yo homie! Wassup my nigga? Shizzle my dizzle, my little frizzle!". Then he gave me this weird look and hug me. But of course, I just finished basketball and he was like all freaking out.
Then it was the chinese teacher Huang Mei Lian. I was probably her number one most hated student ever. LOL. The expression on her face was like a pig eating hardened shit while having a bad constipation. I ask her to give me chocolates and hongbao + the cute doraemon on her desk, but then she dowan. Then in the far end of staff room, I spotted the teacher that caused my A-maths to fail with flying colours, Mr Paul Lee So I was like from one end of the staff room to the other end shouting "EH LEE! Long time no see siah! I can see the horizon on your receding hairline liao siah!" So he was like all whatevaa. And stuff like that.
Then after attempting to steal food from the teacher's fridge unsuccessfully I went out and saw Mr Steven Quay. Wa Lau that KNNCCB teacher, say me what "Don't study hard now, later when you receive your results, L1R5 16, then you can only go those lousy JC, you will cry. But that is not tears of joy, you cry is because you see your future POOF in front of you." He even say "Siau Ming Hao, your physics can even get distinction I treat you meal in anywhere you want, even the Ritz Carlton Hotel also can" Walau eh, my O levels physics get A1 I damn happy can, I finally can stuff the paper in his face siah. Damn shuang damn shuang. So when I saw him I was like "Hello, Mr Teo" and he gave me a death glare and then smack me damn f**king hard on my back two times. LOL. So sad I never got to see the teacher that suspend me 3 times, detention me at least 10 times, confiscate my laptop cause I gaming in class for countless of times. I think maybe he leave school already. But heck la.
After that we continue to play basketball in the newly built, damn zai sport hall. But I think I was suffering from indigestion la. I played soccer and volleyball with the people there. The basketball abit too competitive la, sure lose. Then the guys taught me how to do those magic card tricks. Now I can go out and bluff those xiao mei mei liao. They see my tricks, they'll be like "OMG! So good, can I be your girlfriend please?" And I'll be all, "No way, you this kind want to be my girlfriend? Go take queue number please?" LOL okay dreams aside, the guys decided to go eat dinner.
We went to the usual market nearby which usually took like max 10 mins? Maybe only 5 mins. But I took like 30 mins to get there. Why? Because of my freaking stomach. I think stomach flu uh. So I was walking 2 steps then stop for 2 mins then continue walking again. IMBA slow. So the rest of the gang continue forward while Hailiang was like accompanying me throughout. Hailiang! You're the best slut and bitch in the world man. Your the suckiest retard ever. Damn I give such good compliments.
So we eat eat eat (I didn't), then talk alot of crappy stuff like girls, school, girls, girls, beef and DotA. Seriously, I don't understand girls at all man. Oh well, its the common problem every guy faces. Damn. So after that we went J8, walk around, then go arcade. There's this f**king lame game called "King of Animals". WTF, there was like a lion fighting a shark. Then the lion got some cool move called "Turbo spin" hahaha wtf, reminds me of the option button on my washing machines. Then there was also a stingray, floating in midair, in the middle of Africa, fighting a leopard. WTF. And you had to purchase those card thingies to play. WTF ARE THE KIDS THESE DAYS PLAYING? WHERE HAVE SOCCER, BASKETBALL AND BARBIE DOLLS GONE TO?
Oh well, after that I went to buy my Razer Sphex. Coolio mousepad man. Now my Razer Copperhead got girlfriend liao. Woooo. NICE.
So after that it was home for us. Oh yeah Ramly beef is damn fattening but damn sinfully good man. DAAYUMMM. Oh yeah, meeting JM tomorrow for secret present for Irwin. As if the CB 185 dollar diecast Ferrari 1985 GT wasn't enough.
The fun only begins when it goes overboard.
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