To provide people with answers to the questions to their futures and to earn a quick buck, some smart guy decided he would create something called a horoscope and scam senseless people out of their life's savings and 棺材本. That 'something' is called the horoscope. Soon this spread like wildfire and almost anything and everything can be used to predict futures. From the lines on palms, to the position of fat moles on faces, down to the leftovers from coffee cups.
However with the advent of the Internet, such scams now do not scam people of money. That would be pointless since everyone is so rich. So some guy decided he could dominate the world by controlling the minds of senseless brainless people through horoscopes. Of course he wasn't the only one who came up with the bright idea. And thus the power struggle of world domination by computer geeks who are really fat asses who have no life, clad in boxers and have bottles of pee and faeces surrounding them, BEGUN.
Whatever.
My horoscope from the ooh-so-user-friendly friendster is.... *Drumroll*
"When you see a chance to get ahead today, you just have to take it! Save all of the deep and meaningful (and time consuming) contemplation for another time. You are in a phase of your life when you need proactive action, not passive reflection. Let yourself get comfortable with the idea that you can't hit a home run every single time that you step up to bat. Aiming for a perfect score every time isn't realistic, and you could be setting yourself up for disappointment."
Alright what's there point of me showing my horoscope to you together with such a long intro? Well the point is... well there isn't. =D
Okay, yesterday I was working at Meritus Mandarin again. Well, it was a wedding. I'm beginning to hate weddings. hahaha I don't know why. All those love songs playing and stuff. Can't take it. :S Yesterday I did 2 tables. One table was filled with those rich taitais with super fat fingers adorned with rings. The other was a even mix of mothers, aunties and those old tikopek who keep ogling at the plunging neckline of the ooh-so-sexy women from the opposite table. There were 2 imps who were determined to make my night as bad as possible. Arrghh! 我忍！！！
And so the rich taitais, whose body figures resembled that of a well-fed slug, slowly sashayed into the ballroom. I wonder how they even keep their balance. Their body figure defies the laws of physics. Perhaps those rings on their juicy fat fingers help to keep their center of gravity low.
At first glance they may seem to be those kind, generous, philanthropic ladies. But once their fat asses touched the satin chairs, they revealed their true colours. "AH BOY!!! One plate of chili PURLISS!" "WAITER!! KOUK PLIS!!" "PEE NATS PRIS!" OMG, one request came after another. Finally when all their requests (Or demands I should say) have been fulfilled, I collapsed, there was barely a breath left in me. I was a remnant of my former-self. Tortured by the evil taitais to the point of balancing on the cliffs of death. Poor me :(
But that was not yet! I still had another table to attend to!! So using the power granted to me by guan yin, I summoned my last breath to stand up and attend to that table. There were 2 kids at that table, I thought to myself, "Great... Kids for dinner >:)" But I was to regret those thoughts later. THOSE WERE DEVILS!! Cleverly disguised in the form of kids to trick poor Banquet waiters like me! I wondered to myself, what have I done to deserve such treatment!! Firstly they asked for coke, then for sprite, then for straws. Then an uncle asked for beer and then an auntie ask for warm water. And guess what all the requests were made one by one. I suspected that the old tikopek in white was the mastermind of all this. Trying to test my patience! But I'm SHAWN SIAU MING HAO! Banquet waiter of Meritus Mandarin! Surely I can take the trials of the rich taitais, old tikopeks and devils disguised in the form of innocent children! So in order to take a coke, a sprite, 2 straws, one beer and one glass of warm water, I had to run 6 times back and fro from the bar. And it was not as if I was situated near the bar. I was situated right smack at the end of ballroom 3!! I think I ran 2.4km just to complete all my requests. Finally when all the teacups were filled, requests done, flowers cleared, table numbers placed away, I thought to myself, "wheeeww". Then the black manager came to me and said, "oi oi oi!! What you doing?! PICKUP PICKUP!!"
I whispered vulgarites and cursed my luck. So I obidiently went into the kitchen for pickup. So things were going as usual. Clearing plates and changing plates. Then one of the rich taitais went to knock out a glass of red wine and it splashed all over 2 rich taitai's. I guess her fingers were just too fat and probably got into the way. So I had to go change her napkin for her. I went to gave her the napkin I used to wipe the dishes. hahaha. Hey you can't blame me right? I couldn't find any more napkins anywhere mar.... So things continued as usual. But the rich taitais kept asking me to change their teacups because the tea went cold. I was like can't you just drink like 10ml of cold tea and then I can help you pour in hot tea instead of me running to the sink to pour away the cold tea and then refilling it with hot one for you? Then came to the abalone dish. Then I just placed it on the table and some guy from another table said he will serve it for them. He's not a waiter btw, he's a guest. So I let him serve lor. Then I went to take bowls and spoons for the preparation of the sweetest course <3!!
Then I came back and to my horror, the lady said that she had abalone sauce on her ooh-so-expensive silk blouse. She kept pointing to her fake breasts and kept saying; "POWDER POWDER!! I WANT POWDER!!" I was like wtf? You want chilli powder issit? Or pepper or?
In the end, what she really wanted was TALCUM powder. I have no idea wtf spamming talcum powder on a abalone sauce stained ooh-so-expensive silk blouse can help. The blouse probably became worst the way I see it. Became a total mess. Rich taitais, seriously don't even know that 爽身粉 is called Talcum powder? If they don't know it's 爽身粉, I'll understand since not many people know that, but TALCUM powder, how can you not know?! I knew that since I was like in primary school!! Even if you didn't know, don't you read the labels on the products you buy?! Okay, maybe they have maids to buy for them, so I suppose their maids would have a higher Intelligence Quotient than them.
Then William had to interrogate me about that incident. Obviously I would not have been so dumb as to spill abalone sauce on a guest. But William still spent like 5-10 mins interrogating me :S That made me like the 2nd slowest waiter. I was actually one of the faster ones la. In the end, become one of the slower ones.
Now the dessert. The dessert was really special today, it was some sweet concoction of papaya, yam paste and lots of milk or something. I think it was coconut milk. It was super aromatic, but also super hard to serve. The yam paste is like some super sticky glue. Very hard to serve. But in the end I still managed to serve all. Have to use the bowl's spoon to scrape the paste out of the ladle. I laughed at those waiters who tried to let the sticky yam paste slide into the bowl from the ladle. But of course, apart from laughing, I also went to help them la. :)
Well, all was not bad. In the end, there was a bowl of dessert leftover by the guest. So after clearing my cups, plates and utensils, I snuck the bowl into the kitchen and dug in! I've never seen such a dessert before and it tasted as sweet as it looked! Super yummy <3!!
After that I went home with Pearlyn, Yuhan and Junwei. I really have to thank Yuhan though, she helped me with the tables when they first came in and did so many requests. So we went on the red line train and went home.
So that is one day at Meritus Mandarin summarized in one blogpost. :D
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